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Amazed! / Personal

Good Afternoon!

I hope you guys are good! I am for the most part. "but"...  

I had thoughts or better yet putting together my thoughts on a post that I wanted to do about how AMAZED I was about how much my/our diet had changed (which I still plan to talk about). I have like an OCD issue with numbers so I check my stats on everything, ALL the time. I was checking the stats on my "blog" and I noticed there were some posts from 2015 that someone had read. I am SO glad they did because I decided to go back and reread them myself. Ugh! Terrible! Not only did I noticed several days ago that our diets had changed drastically, so had my posts and their content (I can't say for better or worse, but it's different - to me anyway.) I've come across more than several pictures that have crashed, which I was not happy about at all!!! When Blogger changed some of the settings it really had an effect on the content of my posts. I apologize if you have come across or read anything and there's this big blank space where a picture used to be. I am cleaning up those posts and by cleaning up I pretty much mean getting rid of! lol! 

Now as far as our diets, I probably wouldn't have noticed but the same thing happened like with the previous story. First, I ran out of stir fry sauce and went back to the post (which is linked) and I was like "wow, I posted this that long ago?" and started looking at other posts from that same time period. I think looking back on posts, (specifically on whatever outlet) shows you how much you've changed, grown, and your state of mind at that time. Looking back or going over old posts forces you to reassess what you are currently posting. The recipes and how I "converted" them blew me away. I want to literally go back and redo like all of them. I have different information now and we are living and eating differently.   I don't want someone with similar issues to mine, to read or take a suggestion from a post and they get sick. More than half of the changes I made back then would currently make me physically sick.  (Now, I don't know if that means I'm getting worse or my body is cleaner and I can not tolerate the same types of foods. I personally think it's a little of both.)

(On a PERSONAL note) 
Another issue that rattled my cage recently was/is our upcoming trip to the GFAF Expo in Schaumburg IL. I was stepping out on a limb by just attending the Expo and when I inquired about attempting to attend as an "actual blogger" I feel like I jumped off of a cliff! I jumped, not knowing if there was a bottom to catch me. Reality started setting in when I had to submit a post for the pre-expo activities. I was like "woah! how does my "blog" actually look to "other people"? Wait! a ton of "other-other" people will be able to see it now because it was shared on this particular website!" (Yea, I was freaking out!) This past week has made me question myself, this "blog", my goals, dreams, the direction I'm trying to go in, and where I do or do not want to take this page. I don't want to say I never took this whole blogging thing serious but for the most part, I didn't. The entire "Cooking With Mommy" idea was my daughter's, 4 yrs ago. We had been trial and "erroring" our way through food since 2010 and I had finally felt like I had kinda gotten the hang of it and she said, "you should have a cooking show mom!" Um, no! I have far too many insecurities for that! I decided to do a "business" Facebook page because I was already "boring" my "friends" to death with all of my recipes, pictures of food, and constant posts about food!  Instead of being one of those people all the memes talk about why not have a dedicated page just for that? Somehow, I can't remember anymore how I started this blog, but it was on a whim. I felt like there had to be someone else who could relate to being disabled/"sick", single, a kid with ADHD and anxiety, food "issues", and trying to make it from one day to the next. Yea, the blog ended up turning into an online recipe book. I was too tired on so many occasions to sit, write and think of all these wonderful things to say. I would get to the recipe, have enough energy to put what I would do/how I would make it and life would happen. The posts would sit there as drafts. One day, I said "fine, I'll post this as is" and that became a habit, I suppose. I noticed on the posts that I did what I considered to be a ton a "talking", there weren't many views (which was weird because I think I'm pretty hilarious! 🤣🤣 ) Anyway, so I went with what got me the most views and that was the recipes with pictures. I've been in a routine for so long, it is what it is. I took some time off away from the blog because I had gone back to school. I (even before the Expo situation came about) thought about possibly changing some things with the blog. One thought that I went with (that I thought for sure would work) was denied. I was rejected for the same thing that was working to get "views" in the first place. So then I was at crossroads, do I keep doing what I'm doing or has this past week been sort of a wake-up call? Maybe I did need to step back and reevaluate my situation. 

I guess I will try out a few things and see what works.

I never "just write" in my posts. This is so far outside of my comfort zone, it's not funny! I lost confidence in my writing abilities when Fibromyalgia REALLY set in because (for those with it or similar conditions know) my communication center was no longer the same. I could no longer effectively communicate. My speech, writing, thoughts, and thought patterns, were ALL different. Everything had changed and no one understood. I know what I want to say and how I want to say it but that's not always how it comes out (so bare with me, PLEASE!)

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